i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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