and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize