i think my mom watched the whole time
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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