just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
