so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
