so explain again why im purple
no
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize