38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
