Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
