You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
