remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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