I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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