that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
