how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
