If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
jump out the window naked night went bad
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