i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
