She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
