I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
