i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
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