if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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