She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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