I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
