i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
