you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
