At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
