remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize