If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
