I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
As shirtless as possible
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
