a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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