I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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