...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
