I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
it's great music for shaving your balls
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize