for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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