There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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