i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
