I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
