So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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