his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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