I have demons in me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
