Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
