And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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