On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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