Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
