we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize