i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
