Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
