take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize