Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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