he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
