If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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