you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize