Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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