I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
