im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
