Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
