I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
zippers are such a cool invention
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
