I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
