he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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