Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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