Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
