Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
