definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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