One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize