I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
