can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
