i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
