It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
