so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
if only i could text you this smell
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
