I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
