there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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