I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
