You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
