Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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