After last night, I could never be a politician.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize