did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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