You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
