All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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