pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
third nipple confirmed
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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