Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize