I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he's gonorrhea incarnate
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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