"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
