I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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