Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
