he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
