all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
