Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
