Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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