I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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