oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
