i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
