How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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