I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
