i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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