u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
