seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
