No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
