I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
